While munching sushi and margaritas, the sweet, 62-year-old widower shared his concern as we discussed dating. His wife of 3 decades had died 18 months ago and he was dipping into the dating pool. What he found was a lot of aggressive, sexually hungry women. He was dumfounded that they tried to seduce him on...
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We’re all familiar with “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” and “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.” But what about… dirty pick-up lines. You know, the sexy kind. And these pick-up lines have a very different purpose than cheesy pick-up lines, and are generally not good idea to use on strangers. Before you ask somebody, “Want to come over and watch porn all night on my new mirror?” you should be very sure they’d like to hear it.
In fact, dating experts say that attempting to get a date with a pick-up line usually isn’t going to work. “It’s not necessarily about what you say, but whether or not you say something that feels genuine or right to you,” Gabrielle Applebury, a sex and marriage counselor in Orange County, CA, previously told Refinery29. “[Using a pre-written pick-up line] is going to register on the other person that something is a little bit off.”
All that said, pick-up lines are still a lot of fun to read… and you know best how your partner would respond to something like, “Are you a stack of dirty dishes? ‘Cause I want to get you wet and do you all night long.”
So, here are the best dirty pick-up lines on Reddit.
“Let’s pretend I’m the Titanic and you’re the ocean, I’ll go down on you.” — Wesmore24
“I like you like I like my coffee. Constantly inside me.” — madlaceann
“I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.” – deleted
“Are you butt dialing me? I thought I heard your ass calling me.” — jaimedieuetilmaime
“Are those pants from space? Because your ass is out of this world.” — jaimedieuetilmaime
“Are you a sea lion? ‘Cause I can see you lyin’ in my bed tonight.” — undignifiedstrut
“You remind me of a championship bass. I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you.” — danman1232
“Is your name homework? ‘Cause I’m not doing you but I should be.” — anonymous
“Roses are red, violets are blue. I like spaghetti, let’s go screw.” — CylentShadow
“So how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled, or fertilized?” — unusualmusician
“Are you my appendix? Because I don’t understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.” — robotwarlordelephant
“If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.” — Pannanana
“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber.” — missminimoo
“Hey baby, are you a tiny wooden stick and I’m an equal amount of red phosphorus? Because we’re a match!” — Enzo1030
“Are you a beaver? ‘Cause dam.” — domokitten
“Are you the University of Phoenix? Because I’m pursuing you online from my couch.” — explodingcharmbomb
“Are you Little Cesars? Because you’re hot and I’m ready.” — Tess_ORourke
“Need a pillow to sit on? I can be yours if you want.” — LeisRatio
“They say you are what you eat. If that’s true, I could be you by morning.” — IAmTall
“My magic watch says you’re not wearing any underwear. Oh you are? It must be 15 minutes fast.” — Danielle825
“Are you a chicken farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.” — TheAlphaBlob
“Want to come over and watch porn all night on my new mirror?” — cata2k
“There’s a big sale in my bedroom right now. Clothes are 100% off!” — IranianGenius
“That shirt looks very becoming on you. Then again if I was on you, I’d be coming too.” — ANBU_Black_0ps
“Fun fact about me, pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.” — Clover_North
“Are you butt dialing me? I thought I heard your ass calling me.” — jamiedieuetilmaime
“Are you my pinky toe? Because I wanna bang you on my coffee table later tonight.” — GreekGeek6467
“Is your name winter? ‘Cause you’ll be coming soon.” — Didi_Castle
“Is that a keg in your pants? ‘Cause I wanna tap that ass.” — nrtphotos
“Let’s play house! You’ll be the door and I’ll slam you.” — Thickboned_jones
“You got a phone in your back pocket? ‘Cause that ass is calling me.” — tandra17
“Hey baby did you buy those pants on sale? Because at my place they’re 100 percent off.” — Fluffysniper
“Are you a stack of dirty dishes? ‘Cause I want to get you wet and do you all night long.” — supream-potato
“Do you have pet insurance? No. That’s too bad because your pussy is going to get pounded tonight.” (via anonymous)
“Those are some nice legs. What time do they open?” — anonymous
“I was on Tinder and swiped right on a girl with the same name as me. I sent the first message, and it rea, ‘I’ve always wanted to date myself!!’” — ajd011394
“Is your name Medusa? ‘Cause I’m rock hard.” — ShortDash
“Hey girl, are you an escalator? Because I wanna go down on you.” — anonymous
“I know three ways to make six inches disappear.” — juicyjensen
“You look just like my first husband.” “You’ve been married before?” “No.” — eimaiagyristokefali
“I just bought this lamp that turns on and off when you clap. Wanna come over so I can clap my ass on your dick and we can turn it into a rave?” — KramerTheAssMan
“I’m craving spicy sausage and chorizo just won’t do.” — RagingFuckALot
“Did you work on the Manhattan Project? ‘Cause you’re a weapon of ass destruction.” — thebrooklynoz
“You MUST work for UPS, you have a fantastic package.” — anonymous
This article was originally published in May 2020 and has since been updated.
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